then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
