Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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