i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
