never play flip cup with pint glasses
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
