Pappa wants mamma naked
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize