marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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