i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
