Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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