So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
