I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
