when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Houston, we have a squirter
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Two words: nipple clamps
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