I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
