to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
