I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
