Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
this hospital has no fireball
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
