I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
