also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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