we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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