What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
