when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
