Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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