and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
