im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
