just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize