i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
