I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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