So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize