party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
