I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I will pee on everything he values.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
