No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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