Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize