The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
