Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
