Where is the hickey?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
