So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
