You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
