i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize