Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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