We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
