I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Randomize