Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
