I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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