She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
