i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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