Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Randomize
