Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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