ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
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