Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(309): View more from Illinois

I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.

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(770): View more from Georgia

I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.

Fav 51 1417 4946
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(903): View more from Texas

I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.

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(044): View more from

I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.

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(620): View more from Kansas

He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy

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(207): View more from Maine

It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF

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(208): View more from Idaho

You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...

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