I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i came on her dog
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
