Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
