so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
