i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
