butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
