You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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