So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
