YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
