I have demons in me.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
