I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
