I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
