I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
