SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We are two peas in an std pod
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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