Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
