you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
