Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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