how can u be prego again
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
