I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize