i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
